Final version (PDF).
First of all, it was clear I had to sort out my font choices.
Above: the old cover (which, in my defence, wasn't quite finished).
I ended up using a thick script in white for the headings and title, with a glow effect added to it to give it a more ethereal look. I also created a more interesting background image and let the clouds overlap the text slightly.
Next up was the flow of the document. It didn't make much sense, and even though I'd been moving the pages around through the entire process I wasn't happy with it. The flow was as follows, with one page for each topic:
2. Game overview
3. Feature list
4. Main characters
5. Controls and inventory
6. Screenshot of game
7. Support cast and audio
8. Business model and future
I shuffled this around one final time and ended up with a MUCH better flow:
1. Game overview
2. Feature list
5. Controls and inventory
6. Hugs and items
7-8. Level example
9. Support cast and audio
10. Business model and future
PJ had mentioned that if I added two pages to the document, changing it from 10 to 12 pages, he'd be able to help me print it as a little booklet. So in addition to a much improved and airier flow, I also have a brilliant little physical copy of the doc. Win!
Next up were the images; not their content, but their presentation. PJ suggested I get rid of the floating image boxes completely, and this made the doc about five million times better.
Above: what the first spread would have looked like with image boxes.
Above: the first spread, now with the images incorporated into the background. Much better, right? Yep!
Above: rather than turning the drawing of Fawn on the beach into a background image, I framed it as a polaroid. This allowed me to create another full background spread with the picnic image.
Using background spreads rather than single sheets was such a "doh" moment for me... Can't believe I haven't done it that was before. A full spread looks SO much better than a repeated image on each page.
Above: in my mind and in the old layout the screenshot didn't need any explaining. It was a mock-up image from the game, pure and simple. The controls were all crammed together and the whole spread looked quite messy.
However, PJ's 12-page requirement sorted this out!
Above: new spread with controls and abilities. The images got plenty of room, and I turned the old one-page background into a spread to get rid of the horrible mirrored-image-ness.
Above: the level screenshot got an iPad as a frame and a little walkthrough.
Next up is a little level design for the prototype. I'm SO excited to actually get to BUILD something...! Whee!